you guys were way drunker than both of me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
