Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
