which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
