so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
