tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this will be a night to untag.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
