I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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