I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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