For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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