i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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