Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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