It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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