Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
