hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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