But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Randomize
