it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
