I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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