Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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