my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
