I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
