bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
