mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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