I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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