At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
