hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
