quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
