All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
