There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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