This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
