Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
