the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
