Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
