you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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