Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
