Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
