Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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