Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
