mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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