We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
