You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
