found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
