we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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