I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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