I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
