I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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