I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
