My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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