Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
