I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have aggressive nipples.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
