Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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