I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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