things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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