those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
