i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
