that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
