Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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