marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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