During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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