There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
