Swine flu. Run for my life!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize