yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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