Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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