We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have aggressive nipples.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
