I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
