where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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