A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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