She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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