We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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