There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.