so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.