i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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