I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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