so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
