We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
