New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
