I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
