I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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