So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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