soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize