It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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